I have decided that it is time I tackle the issue of sex in youth culture—particularly how we deal with it within Christian youth ministry. As Christians we have the belief that sex is intended for marriage and to put across our view in church and youth ministry, we tell young people that God commands that you must only have sex within a marriage and that to have sex outside a marriage commitment is sin.

It is like a line in the sand that we draw and we tell young people to stay one side. But I need to be honest, I don’t think it is working. From all the statistics I read, Christian young people are having sex and sexual encounters more than the church would like to acknowledge. This is happening in the Western world and it is happening in the majority world.

Young people are growing up in a sexualised society (whether that be in the UK, Zambia, or Thailand). They are being bombarded with messages and suggestions of sexual experience. To just tell them "God says don't" isn’t working. We need to start being more real and honest with young people about sex and being sexual, and why sex should be saved for a marriage commitment.

For example, I have been reading many stories of how oral sex is becoming very common among young people because it is a way of satisfying their sexual urges while not actually "having sex." It is seen as a safe way out for young people—including Christian young people (because they aren’t actually doing it). My wife and I have decided to talk openly with our 16-year-old daughter about the realities of oral sex. And you know why—because it is becoming the norm with the other teenagers at her school and we wanted her to be able to know the facts, and to be able to answer them about why she wouldn’t engage in oral sex.

Now I know some of you won't agree with my wife and I, but I think for too long we have put our head in the sand as Christians. We have made sex this mythical thing and tried to put a fence around it with a sign saying stay out—now come on lets be real—this isn’t going to keep young people out. They are reading, hearing, and seeing sexual ideas and images all around them. Therefore, they need the chance to really discuss why sex should be saved for the marriage commitment based on real issues and struggles, and not because it is a commandment.

I know that in many majority world countries, as in Western countries, issues of sex and sexuality are never talked about, but I also know that young people in those countries are accessing images, video's, and stories of sex. This is influencing them to want to involve themselves in sex. If we don’t discuss the realities of what is involved—not just "don't," but also the emotional, physical, and psychological aspects of it and how it fits into God’s design for sex within marriage, then young people will engage in sexual activities.

Let me say again—just putting a fence around sex and sexuality with a "don’t enter" sign outside is not working.

What do you think? I would like to hear your thoughts.